Letter for my 6 month old

Dear Tommy:


Today you turned 6 months old. I am in awe that you belong to us. A year ago I was wondering how I was going to handle being someone's mommy.I was so scared - even though I've always loved babies. I was always good with babies. But honestly, I'd maybe changed about 25 diapers my entire life. How was I going to do that, feed you, give you baths, figure out what to do when you got sick?

A year ago, I had not even told too many people you were on the way. We went public on March 17th. I wore this shirt:
Someone thought it said "Kiss Me I'm Irish." Yikes! Anyhoo, that was when all I could eat was pizza...lunch and dinner. I love pizza. Could eat it every day for 3 months. Oh yeah, I did that. I can tell looking at this picture how tired and sick I was. All Day Sickness for almost 4 months. But you were and are so worth what that felt like. Though Tux and Tails thought there was some sort of ferocious animal living in the house sometimes, and even Daddy got scared once in a while with what I sounded like when I got sick!


We found out in April that you were a BOY! At first, I did not want to find out, and Daddy did. I eventually decided we would find out - not sure what made me change my mind, but I'm glad we did - when I looked at your picture (ultrasound) I felt like I could really see YOU.

I didn't have any cravings - at all. Pizza was not a craving - that was just all I could eat and usually keep down. Was a bit disappointed actually not to have any cravings...but I had a lot of weird aversions:

1. Chicken - could not look at it or smell it, never mind eat it, until mid May.

2. Boots and heels - not a balance issue, but I could not bring myself to put on heels or boots. just wanted my flats, and I didn't own a lot of those at the time.

3. Necklaces and scarves - anything around my neck was taboo - it made me feel like I was being gagged or choked.

And while this wasn't really an aversion, I totally stopped going to the gym. Mainly because I was so sick in the beginning, and then tired. Mommy was a semi-gym rat going 3-4 nights a week for spinning, kickboxing and pilates. Not anymore. I'd rather spend my nights with you.

I am squeezing a few lunchtime workouts in during the week now, and when you get bigger, we'll be taking you on bike rides, swimming, and other fun things so hopefully you grow up to enjoy exercise and sports.

As for your name, we always knew Daddy's name would be your middle name. The first day we knew you were a boy, I said I liked Brendan and Daddy said he liked Brandon. I don't think either of us was thrilled with the other's suggestion - not because we didn't like the names, but because the names are so close and we just really liked our own suggestion a lot better. I'm still not really sure how we came up with Thomas, though I'm sure the 100,001 Baby Names Book I went through must have thrown it out at me one of the many times I was going through it. But we both really liked it and put it on the list along with those other 2. Some other random names came up, but I think we always knew deep down you were going to be Thomas John.

Fast forward to September (you can read all of mommy's blog posts for most of the other details in between!). Mommy's last day of work was September 7th. I worked the first Rutgers Football game of the season and had 3 police escorts lined up in case I went into labor at the game - though your due date was the 20th. Fortunately, no escorts were needed! I was looking forward to 2 weeks to rest before you arrived, because I really didn't do much of that trying to finish up things at work.

Tuesday, we found out you were still transverse and since you had been for 2 weeks already, we were scheduled for a c-section for Friday that week. Typical mommy, I had to go run around to try to get a few things done, including a mani/pedi since who knew when I'd ever get another one! While doing that on Wednesday, I started to feel some cramps and discomfort, and had a feeling something was up. Sure enough, that night, we were instructed to go get checked out to see what was going on. We were admitted around 11:30pm and were told you'd be joining our family probaby by 1:30am!

And then, at 1:27am on September 10th, 2009....




....you joined our family as Thomas John Beurskens, weighing in at 6 lbs., .5 ounces, and 19.5 inches.

Our journey with you since that point has been amazing. You have been the light of our lives, teaching us so much every day, about you, about ourselves, about life. Sure, we had our issues with nursing, but you and I were a team and eventually figured out how to make things work for us. You handled it so much better than I did. You were a little slow to gain weight, but you eventually caught up when you were ready. You were a grazer - which means you'll fit right in with the entire family as far as eating. I drove anyone who would listen to my worries crazy. You were a good sleeper early on, sometimes giving us 5-6 hours in a stretch.

You hated to be swaddled, even though Daddy bought a video for us to watch and we practiced on some of the stuffed bears and monkeys...yes, I'm telling you we really did that. You were like Houdini, always breaking out of that swaddle. Funny, the monkeys and bears never did...

The bassinet next to mommy's side of the bed is where you slept for the first 12 weeks. I could tell you were getting a little big for it but I didn't want to be all dramatic with making a decision to put you in your crib because I wasn't having much luck getting you to nap in there. But after your last feeding one night, I just laid you in the crib and off you went. You had been sleeping pretty well through the night, and you continued that pattern in your crib as well.

You were a monkey for Halloween, Daddy was the man in the yellow hat, and mommy, the food source, was a banana.

We had your christening in November right before Thanksgiving, with so many family and friends in attendance. You wore a gown that I bought for your cousin Alexis to wear for her christening almost 10 years earlier.

You had five different Christmas outfits that Mommy was always putting you in throughout the month of December. You sat on Santa's lap at Daddy's work, but you slept right through it, and woke up after we walked away! We spent your first Christmas at home, together as a family.

In January Mommy had to go back to work, so you went to school - a great daycare where the teachers tell us everyday what a happy baby you are, how you are always smiling and laughing. You have had 2 colds and 2 double ear infections so far, but you were a champ with the nebulizer treatments and taking your medicines.

We started supplmenting with formula in early December, gradually weaning off the breast milk. Mommy had hoped to pump at work but things got hectic in December before she went back and we realized it was going to be a lot harder than we thought. Mommy had some guilt issues but I'm over that now, as you really did great taking the formula. Rice cereal was added to your daily regimen around 3 months, and we started veggies just before you were 5 months old. I've been holding off on the fruits, but they are in the pantry, at the ready. You'll probably get your first tastes next week after your check up at the doctor.

You LOVE your jumparoo, your stuffed Moose, Moo-Moo the cow, and the mobile in your crib. You LOVE when Daddy or I make the Woody Woodpecker noise, and currently your favorite song is "Who Let the Dogs Out?" Mommy sings and dances for you and you crack up like I am the most hilarous woman alive. I am so glad you love it when I do crazy things for you.

Tux and Tails are your kitty-cat brothers - both will be 7 years old this year. It took them a bit to adjust to your arrival...we locked them out of the room the first 2 nights you were home, but then decided to see what happened because their scratching at the door was pretty annoying and we didn't want to create a 'hostile' environment. They pretty much ignored you, with the occasional look-see into the bassinet if you made a weird noise. Tux has become much more social since your arrival - he was always a scaredy-cat. Tails was a little nervous and stressed in the beginning, and ended up at the vet hospital when you were 3 weeks old - we actually came close to losing him as he was diagnosed with FLUID (feline lower urinary tract disease), though it was something that had been working on him for almost a year based on our monthly trips to the vet. We had to change both cats' diets, and now they act like we never feed them. I love how you notice the cats now when they walk by - you watch them, and smile and laugh at them.

You are doing some rollovers all of a sudden for us - and can sit up pretty well for around 10 seconds before toppling over. You HATED tummy time while I was home with you, but now you are tolerating it more. You were very good with your head and neck control from the beginning. Everyone who visited said they could not believe how strong you were and how alert you were. I've noticed you lifting your butt in the air this past week too, so I keep telling Daddy to get moving on really baby-proofing the house because you'll be crawling very soon I'm sure!

You hated baths in the beginning, but now you love them. You are outgrowing your little tub too - Mommy has to figure out what we do when that happens...do I get you a seat for the tub? I admit, I have no idea on some things like that, but I have more confidence in myself that we'll figure it out, as we have so far with so many things.

Just the other day I said to Daddy, "I wish he were little again." As hard as things were some days when I didn't know what I was doing, I never wished any day away. Everyone told me to make sure I didn't do that, because you are only little once...and it's gone too fast already. I really know what that means now. I am so grateful for all that you have taught me about myself these past few months. Mommy has a big birthday coming up this year (a few weeks actually!) and while some of my friends are struggling with it, I say, "bring it on!" Yes, mommy is going to be 40, but I don't feel it. Well, maybe some mornings at 5:30am I do feel it, but once I get going, and see you, I'm ready to go. I'm not sure I would feel like this if I didn't have you in my life to show me all these great things I am seeing as you grow every day.

I love to listen to you when I am getting ready in the morning and you are awake in your crib talking to yourself and the animals on your bumper, on the wall or on your mobile. No matter how quietly I try to sneak in to see who you are chatting with, you always catch me coming in and greet me with that big grin of yours, so I guess I'll never know your secret friends! When I pick you up at daycare, you greet me with that same enormous grin, and it makes me forget about anything I was worrying about during the day. When we are home, and I pop in front of the mirror, you get the biggest kick out of seeing yourself - or this other baby you don't realize is you, and laugh and smile again. At night, during and after your last bottle, you look up at me with your smiling eyes and make me fall in love with you again and again. There is no way I could pick a favorite time of day of those four!

Mommy sometimes overdoes things. (um, is this a blog entry or a book? hehehehe!). That scrapblog at the beginning of this entry - I have worked on that for countless hours now trying to pick the best pictures to capture these first six months. That's the perfectionist in me that comes out every once in a while. Sometimes I try to "do it all" even though I know that's impossible with this new life we have with you. I'm trying to pick and choose my "battles." I decided to just let you be messy when you eat rather than wiped your face after every spoonful. I recognize that Daddy and I do things a little differently sometimes with you, and both ways are right.

I'm not sure, however, if i'll ever be able to control my emotions when it comes to you - six months later and I can still get choked up talking about you - I am just so proud and honored to be your mommy. Daddy and I thank God every day for you, and we feel so blessed and lucky with how good of a baby you are. Thank you for coming into our lives, and for being our son! We love you so much Thomas John!