Managing Mom Stress & Setting An Example

Earlier this week, I had a bad day at work. We're going through a lot of changes, which leads to a lot of frustrations, stress, and, sometimes a bad day. The changes are not necessarily bad, I'm just fearful of change.  Some changes are good.  Some will be good, eventually.  Some, not so sure yet. I may not like all the changes, but I am learning to accept them.  I've recently learned that just because I accept something doesn't mean I have to like it. It actually takes away some of the stress and frustration.

I've been really proud of myself with how I've been handling the stress I've felt in recent weeks.  Up until Monday, that is. I left the office feeling pretty stressed out, but was grateful to be able to go to the gym to my regular spinning class.  My mind continued to race at the beginning of the class about things that had happened, worries about how I would get things done, etc. But eventually, I was forced to focus on me, my ride, and the class, and after 17 miles and 45 minutes, I felt much better than when I walked in the room.

I had figured out how to channel my energy, frustrations, anger, whatever.  Or so I thought.

When I got home, Tommy was his usual happy self, greeting me with a smile, some laughs, and a hug.  He too, is great for stress relief. Most days.

And then the bath and bedtime routine came. Tommy was a maniac for some reason. He got in the tub, but then said he didn't want a bath, and I had the most difficult time getting him washed up. Getting him in his pajamas was like wrestling an alligator. Getting him to brush his teeth...impossible. Did not happen. I threw the toothbrushes in the sink, and paste ended up splattered all over the sink and on the mirror somehow. I yelled at Tommy.  Told him no stories before bed. Told him no stickers for his sticker chart.

I wanted to cry. I knew my reaction was childish, and I felt awful for yelling at Tommy and reacting  the way I did.  I knew then that I was not over the frustrations and anger I had earlier in the day, and was misdirecting my anger and frustration towards Tommy. No excuse.  I know I'm not the first one to have ever done this, but seriously, did my 2 1/2 year old deserve that from his Mommy?  I just had no patience. I know I wanted to yell and scream at a few people during the day, but did I?  No.  I didn't want to yell at Tommy that night, but I did.  Why is it that we hurt the ones we love the most?

I know every mom/parent loses their patience at times, but hearing Tommy cry after my reaction made me feel worse.  It was not my night to read stories or put Tommy to bed, so I went downstairs after a quick apology to him even though he was fine by the time I popped in his room.  Food for Tuesday was made and packed, and I washed the dishes. I looked at the clock and realized I could probably watch 3 shows on the DVR that I never had time for. So what did I do?  I went upstairs and crawled into bed and cried.  No DVR shows.  Did not even turn on the TV to see the NCAA Basketball Championship game. Tails came up and started walking all over me, purring like crazy.  I thought it was because he was trying to get me up to give him a snack that I neglected to feed him, but when he finally settled in and snuggled close to my chest and face and rubbed his head against my face, I realized he was trying to dry my tears. (Humor me...I am pretty sure that is exactly what he was doing.) Then I ended up with cat hair in my eyes and mouth, and I laughed a little. How does a cat know what you need?

Tommy woke up around 11:30 from a bad dream, and ended up coming in bed with me.  I could not refuse him, after the way the night had gone earlier.  We snuggled a bit, I dried his tears, and although he may not have understood what I was saying, I apologized for my earlier behavior and promised him I loved him no matter what. He put his hand on my cheek and rubbed it for a bit. Not sure if that was forgiveness from him, or if he'd already forgotten about what happened and decided to make the gesture because of the tone in my voice and knew I needed it, but it was really sweet. Eventually we both fell asleep.

I ended up getting one of the better nights sleeps I had in a while, and woke up determined to find a way to better manage my stress, as well as my reactions.  Perhaps this was just one bad day, as I know I've been working hard at taking things day by day and not getting ahead of myself or worrying about things I can't control. I also have to accept that there will be upsetting, stressful days, and I have to figure out how to get through them without hurting others with a misdirected reaction or misplaced anger.  Ultimately, Tommy is watching how I react, and may learn from me how he will react in the future.  I'm not proud he was the recipient of my misdirected anger, and I hope I am able to learn from it to teach him better in the future. I need to set an example for this sweet boy, so he doesn't think this is how he should handle stressful situations.

Finally caught on camera...a side eye from Tommy that he is famous for...I know he's always watching me.

Tuesday night I put Tommy to bed, and I cherished every moment.   Yes, he gave me a little bit of a hard time with the routine, but I kept my cool and reminded myself he's exerting his independence, seeing how far he can go with pushing my buttons. Wednesday night he was so good getting his bath, into his pjs, and brushing his teeth.  Then John struggled getting him to settle down after reading to him. I was trying to get some things done (blog update since I'd been slacking; painting my nails, making my lunch), and I could hear him screaming for me. John finally came out of the room, at a loss.  I took a deep breath, because as much as I wanted some "me" time, I knew something must be out of sorts for Tommy that he needed me, and only me, because it's very rare that he pulls this on either one of us, demanding the other parent.

Within 10 minutes, my little man was asleep.  He wanted me to read, but didn't fight me much when I explained Daddy had read him all of his books for that night and I was just going to snuggle and lay down with him. It was obvious that he was tired. And of course I was relieved that he quickly fell asleep, but I was also grateful that I'd been patient and let this situation take its course.  I expected to be in there much longer than the 10 minutes it ended up being, and was okay with that, since I gave myself a good talking to since Monday.

I need to go easier on myself sometimes, I've realized, and by doing so can then react better to these types of situations that arise. I'm grateful Tommy picked me as his Mom to teach me these things about myself.