Delay Tactics & Bedtime Blues

I ran out to the grocery store last Saturday afternoon while Tommy napped and John was home. While he's really good most times when I take him shopping, and he charms the customers and staff we come in contact with, going by myself is always a lot easier. Of course, John texted me several times once I arrived to say that Tommy woke up and was inconsolable, and letting me know all the different things he was trying. Apparently the only thing that stopped the crying was a lollipop and a jaunt around the block. I drove into our development after my shopping trip to be greeted by this:

"Fancy meeting you here!"

Someone decides he's going to try to race Mommy



That's my  boy, with his new haircut he got that morning - very cute, wouldn't you agree?

We've been very fortunate for a while now with Tommy's bedtime routine. After his bath, we get dressed and then brush our teeth. Tommy runs to the bathroom to brush his teeth, getting himself up to stand on the toilet (I have a stool for him, that isn't high enough at this point), and doing all he needs to do:

Selecting the toothbrushes (yes, plural) that we'll use on this particular night

I can do it myself, Mommy!

Now I'd like to use the Dora toothbrush, thankyouverymuch.

Mommy gets some brushing time while Tommy is distracted with the toothpaste.

Yes, sometimes we have 2 brushes going at one time, literally.

Must put brushes back himself or he gets upset with Mommy

Next up, we head back to Tommy's room, Mommy or Daddy read a few books to him with all of his animals on the floor, and then he willingly goes into his crib at our suggestion that his "guys" are tired. Sometimes we'll read one more book, but usually I  do our prayers with Tommy. I can't speak for John as to whether or not he does the prayers, but we both do lay down next to the crib until Tommy falls asleep, which the past few weeks has been about 5-10 minutes. More recently, he's actually sent us for more milk, which neither of us end up bringing back in to him, because the little guy falls asleep on his own, probably before we get down the stairs. While it's not the Ferber-like method we started with way back when, it's what works for us.

But the past few nights, our little boy has been having some bedtime blues. He is pulling out every delay tactic that he has heard about (where, I have no idea!?) or thought of himself. He has thrown tantrums (for Tommy, as he's not really a tantrum thrower), cried, and just been miserable. Monday night was the worst, as his Orange Guy got left at school that day (we generally don't like him to bring any toys in, but some mornings, we have to pick our battles just to get out the door). While I know that wasn't the only reason for Tommy not cooperating, it was probably a big part since "OG" is his lovey/soothie. And he's been making the trip to school more often recently, so I know he's become more attached to him. Tuesday night was a little better, though I was nearly sick to my stomach after raising my voice with a "Thomas John" that shocked my little guy - but he didn't cry, as he'd done other times. I can't even describe the look on his face, but I'm pretty sure I scared him, and I felt awful. But however I said his name, it stopped him in his tracks from whatever delay tactic he was in the midst of in his crib, and he quietly responded "yes" to whatever question I asked him, which may have been something along the lines of "are you going to sit nicely and read a book with mommy now?" It was like he was defeated and decided to just submit to me.

Seriously, I felt ill, even though Tommy did not cry.  He just got really quiet. I hugged him and told him I loved him, but it was now bedtime, not playtime. And he did cooperate for the most part, though he got upset when I put him back in his crib after he requested it. At that point, I just laid down on the floor and started reading aloud to him, and he pretty quickly got comfortable and interacted with me while I read the stories to him.

John and I talked about it, because he was pretty amazed at Tommy's reaction, and told me I should not feel guilty about what happened.  It worked, right? Ultimately, I realize that Tommy is perhaps in a "pushing boundaries" phase right now, and he's testing the waters to see what he can get away with. His reaction that made me "ill" was essentially saying, "wow, looks like she isn't going to put up with this, huh?" I have read countless books and articles saying how kids actually do want you to set boundaries for them. But sometimes you just don't know how you are supposed to go about doing so.  Or when you are going to be put in a situation to have to set some boundaries.

And Tommy does not just use delay tactics at night.  Getting him dressed and out of the house in the morning has been bad for a while. On Wednesday morning, I left before Tommy was dressed, and John had to put him in the car and THEN put Tommy's shoes and socks on. Mind you, the day before, I got him dressed in our room before we went downstairs, with not too much of a problem. Sure, he tries to get away from us every day, but today was a first. So we've decided that moving forward, the plan is to get him changed and dressed before we go downstairs, letting Tommy know there is no TV while he eats breakfast until he is dressed.

So we're entering another one of those phases...which everyone will tell us, "it's just a phase," and "this too shall pass." We really have been fortunate up to this point, and last night went much smoother with the bedtime routine. No delay tactics, no crying, and he was out relatively quickly once we said our prayers.  He has been wanting me to continue reading to him after the light is off, but I limit it to one book because it's so hard to see, plus we don't want it to be endless story time.